She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
