Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I deserve this hangover.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
