I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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