here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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