Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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