Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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