Christians are straight up FREAKS
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
