Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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