Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
