Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize