My hand turned me down
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
