I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dick very happy bro
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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