All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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