Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize