i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
