apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
