In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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