Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
