apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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