dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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