I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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