Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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