he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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