Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm really busy with my period
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