the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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