I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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