Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
