Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
