I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
