If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
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this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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