....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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