my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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