pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
