the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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