Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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