just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize