dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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