Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
