just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
