operation have a gay friend backfired
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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