I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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