I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i think i just lost a toe
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
