Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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