i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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