I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
