VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
