so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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