I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
