I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
