I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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