Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
