take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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