Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
