Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
