I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
