a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize