At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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