Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
