you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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