Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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