Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
