I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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