It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
