so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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