I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize