9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
